Supporting Military Families the Emotionally Intelligent Way

“Have you ever killed someone?”

“Don’t you worry about her dying?”

Unfortunately, many military personnel and their families frequently encounter these questions at work, at school, and in the grocery store. While so many aspects of emotional intelligence would be helpful in
interacting with military families, empathy rises to the top of the list.

A mother with a sick child would not want to be asked repeatedly if she is worried her child will die, and a coal miner wouldn’t want to constantly be asked if he thinks about a mine collapsing. A active duty soldier doesn’t want to be hijacked by constant thoughts of death. Many veterans are already struggling to cope with what they have experienced as indicated by the record numbers of them reporting PTSD. Imagine what that might feel like.

Similarly, the last thing military spouses want to do as they negotiate life’s daily routines is have someone turn their attention to a potential bad outcome. People in these tense and fearful situations are well aware of the potential they could lose their loved ones. In fact, many family members suffer from anticipatory stress, the feeling that something could happen at any time. They cringe at each ring of the phone or knock at the door. Imagine living in the situation for weeks, months, sometimes years.

So what do we do? Here are some easy tips for interacting with military personnel and their families:

1.  When you talk to someone who is serving, or has served his or her country, ask about their job just as you would with anyone else. Ask where they are stationed, what day-to-day tasks they do, where they have traveled, and what kind of training they have done. Questions like these will help reduce the alienation they already may feel from civilians.

2.  Simply ask family members if there’s anything you can do to help them while their loved one is away. Sometimes the smallest things matter the most.

3.  Listen if they want to talk about their concerns. Try to be supportive and focus on the positives. Encourage them to seek professional help, if they are having a really difficult time coping.

4.  Say thank you. Not only do our extraordinarily courageous military personnel deserved our thanks, but their remarkably brave families have made a tremendous sacrifice for us. Let them know you appreciate them.

For more information about veterans issues, visit
http://www.militaryfamily.org/.